sumtimes,life jz sux aint it?..wen it seems dat u hav finally found dat sumone,dat reli special sumone,dat person will leave u jz like dat...sum ppl may agree,n sum may not..but i knw wad i've been through...wks of hell...wks of sufferins..wks of pain..wks of sadness...i cnt believe it had finally ended..finally....i dun blame her..i dun hate her..everything seems to b ma fault..well,hu wld wan a ugly,dumb,blur n sissy boi like me hu even make lame jokes...no one..m i rite?but wad can i do..even if go 4 plastic,i will stil b da same person deep inside...god has made me like tis,n i wun change it..everyone has their own strength n weakness..n i knw mine..i..i dunno wad m i gonna do nw..everything is gone..its like im jz waitin 4 death to cum n get me...i hav been sufferin frm severe headache recently..n hu knws,wad im sufferin frm..haix...
recently,ma cuzzin suffer a huge blow to her life..n tis aint no cock n bull story jz to tell...it was ssoo sad..they hav a long wae to go..so many things to do,but da person she lurved so much left her..no..its not 'left' as if they broke up..it's da 'left' as in her luv died...it was da hardest thing she hav to face..n i reli felt sori 4 her..reli do..they alwaz seem to b reli hapi together...enjoyin da ups n dwns of a relationship can give..he died early tis wk...he died of brain tumour...it was so sad wen she saw da video her fren took during da times her luv was dyiing..she cnt take it n broke dwn...haix..mentionin tis,i remember da times wen nisa n ma other cuzzin decided to pair up n trick me into believin dat she had brain tumour too...cnt xplain how i reli felt at dat time...i was so damn sad..i luv her so much.n i dun eva wan to lose her.to think i even pray 4 her..jz to knw dat dey had tricked me...well its ok...i let it go..haix..
den ma another cuzzin,hu had been together 4 more den 4 yrs....they are even engaged n supposed to get married tis yr...sumtime arnd tis mnth..but it wasnt their fate n they broke up..i can see da look n ma cuzzin eyes n face...everytime there's a family gatherin,he wld jz gaze n gaze..even wen he's havin fun wif us,there will alwaz b sadness in his eyes..n noone can blamed him..noone can...i understand how he muz hav felt..its reli hard to lose sumbody u lurved all ur heart..to give up spendin time wif ur fam jz to b wif dat special person..n sacrificed so much 4 them..to give em ur full trust n luv..to care 4 em..to treat em as ur own spouse..n put in so much hope in da relationship,dat sumdae u both wld get married n in da end,both go their seperate waes,4gettin da times dey spent wif each other..da times they were together..both happily together,not carin abt how many ppl are against their relationship or how many ppl dun think they are a good n cute couple..
its da same 4 nisa n me...27 of april..it will alwaz b remembered as da most wonderful dat happened to me..it was da dae dat i made a decision dat reli change ma life..goin through wonderful n rough times together have shwn me many things dat a relationship has to offer...on da bright side,will b:hope,luv,trust,n things dat i cnt express in words..on da other sad wld b:betrayal n stuffs...i fell in lurve wif her..she was ma 1st eva true luv outta of all ma relationship..i hav nvr felt tis strong abt a girl b4..i lurved her..i care 4 her..haix...
i nvr sae tis to anione,but i guess i hav to finally sae tis....b4 our relationship ends,i dun even felt dat we were like a couple nomore..da reason is not dat i dun trust her nor i was cheatin on her...it was also not coz i dun lluv her like b4 nor coz i dun think dat she dun luv me animore..it was coz da wae we were communicatin...we kept havin frequent arguements.,we fought.n we wasnt communicating like b4..like wen i 1st knw her..da old nisa..da nisa hu i fell 4 n luv..da nisa hu seem alwaz so concern abt me even wen im sick..da nisa hu doesnt wants me to go to camps coz she dun wanna me not contactin her...wks b4 we broke up..she said dat her prepaid card was low..n it was wks b4 she did..i knw i trust her n i dun wanna think of negative things..if she eva lied to me or cheated on me,den onli god knws n,even i dun wwish 4 tis,well,may da almighty return her wad she did to me..let her feel da pain n betrayal dat i felt..haix..n wen she finally top up her card,it was onli a matter of daes her card bcame low,wen it alwaz took at least a wk n a few daes to finish it...haix..i was sad..i dun wanna sae it,but i jz keep mum..i jz leave it to god..i dunno anithing..im in tampines,while she's at jurong..a island apart..n i dun wanna jump to conclusions..da wae she msg me,is like she dun even bother animore..wen i bcame sad or depressed,she wld turn it to her own anger n use it on me..n in da end,i will b da one hu end up apologisin...i dun wanna hurt her..i nvr hav da intention to do dat,so once again,i jz keep quiet,knwin dat i stil luv her n dn wanna lose her..im afraid to lose her..soo afraid..haix..i wanna cont,but i knw i shldnt say tis all at da first place..i dun wanna leave a bad impression on her..coz,i still luv her..n dat she's not like how i described her..she's reli cool..hav a bubbly personality n dat extra sumthing dat reli makes me go all super hapi wen im wif her....haix..im soo in luv wif her till i went dwn on ma knees n proposed to her..slip da promise ring on her finger..coz i knw,i wld nvr eva wanna leave her..she was like ma own life..i luv her..i hav soo much hope in da relationship..i hope dat we b together 4eva..like she once said to me 'one dae,da dae will cum wen we will b together,live happily together n lead a happi family wif our own children,hakimi n ain.'..i will nvr 4get everything u said to mie...
nisa...tis is to euu...i jz wanna u knw dat aft all dat has happen,i still lurve u..i miz u soo much..i miz da smell of ur perfume,da smell of ur hair..ur smile..ur laughter..i miz euu....i still keep da pics dat we took together,hopin dat sumdae we will b together again..all of tis came sincerely frm ma heart...i luv u...n i wish u all da best nw...may u succeed in wad u do n hav a good n happi future...alwaz b da hap n bubbly gal dat i knw..life hav to move on..n i muz too..well...till here da story goes..i luv u...n will alwaz b waitin 4 ur return...gudbye nisa..gudbye to all da memories we had together.gudbye to all da promises we made...gudbye to eveything....gudbye.....